


Delirium

by Aitum



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken | Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword
Genre: Comedy, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 01:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13514292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aitum/pseuds/Aitum
Summary: As they are about to graduate from Lycia's prestigious military academy, Cadet Hector muses about something and drags his sleepy roommate Cadet Eliwood into it.One-shot gag-fanfiction I saved on my blog a couple of years ago for a mutual on Tumblr.  Forgive me Lord, for I have trolled.





	Delirium

“Hey Eliwood, why am I big?”

The bluenette felt a fist being shoved into his waist, not so gently, following a really tired expression from his red-headed roommate.

“I’m trying to sleep,” he said as he yawned.

“Well okay, okay! Not gonna disturb ya anymore!”

“Good.”

Eliwood headed back to his own bed, drawing a blanket and covered himself with it.

“But really, _why_ am I big?”

“What?”

“Like, why am I big? Look at the offended looks on those noble women when I offered a dance. Blast, what kind of graduation party is this? Look at you, all smiles and being a gentleman. By the look they gave me when I asked for a dance, I could tell they were gobsmacked.”

“Um. Can we please discuss this later… perhaps tomorrow? I finished three reports, practiced dancing until past midnight and completed two power-training sessions…”

“Which you failed at and almost fell on Erik?”

“Say that again?” Eliwood threw a pillow at him, clearly annoyed. He had never do well in power-training, and of course, falling on Erik would be the last thing any Ostian nobleman would probably wish for, and as much as he hated to admit it, he would much prefer having a camel drop on his head. He had been aware that not many people liked Erik, but boy, he did not expect him to be  _like this. Trouble?_   He thought at first, sensing an incoming threat as the Laus lord gregariously navigated his way around the peers. However his benevolent father had taught him to be courteous, and Eliwood almost instantly felt guilty for hammering a scepter of judgment on Erik. True that Erik's father was not the nicest man to be around; it was vivid for Little Eliwood how Darin of Laus' eyes would spark silent fire each time he and Lord Elbert conversed. Eliwood did not understand why Darin's way of congratulating him on his admission into the military academy felt like a soft gravel poking the feet in the shoes—subtle, but stabbing. 

Eliwood was too busy having a little celebration with Hector when it was clear that both boys qualified to attend the prestigious Lycian military academy, and only later he learned that Erik nearly did not land a spot while the tutors at the academy eagerly noted his parents that they would be pleased to receive him and Hector in the upcoming month. While it was great news for him, his father's expression turned apologetic and somber as he recounted to Lady Eleanora—Eliwood's mother—how _infuriated_ Darin was when informed Erik had to retake the exams because, according Lord Elbert, the Marquess bellowed "That savage spare of an heir of a boy got in while mine did not?! There are  _fine, very fine_ teachers here in Laus, and all he got was a muscle and a teenage brother who wields a sword! Are you people _conspiring_ against me?!"

But Eliwood would beg to differ if he had the chance. He had been spending some time with Hector since their fathers brought them together for the first time on a semi-formal dinner banquet at Castle Ostia, something both parents thought to be a good idea because both spent their time alone, and with the increasing workload piling up over both sovereign lords' shoulders as well as the boys getting older themselves, both simultaneously decided it was time for both boys to get to know Lycia better and stop giving the nannies additional white hair at home. 

Then he found Little Hector sitting alone at the corner. Yawning. Eliwood was quiet at first, but he was old enough to hear some prestigious folks discussing Hector as if he was not there.  _Poor Marquess,_ they murmured,  _must be hard to deal with that boy. I heard he is rebellious and untactful—_

But this Little Hector approached him with a big grin, extending his hand at him without a second thought. "Hi," the boy chirped. "I'm the mighty Hector! Want some cake?"

Little Hector never teased Little Eliwood's timidness, nor did the boy question why Little Eliwood was so quiet, obediently waiting to be addressed, smiling politely at everyone who praised how well-behave he was, or how it was a good thing that his hair took after his father's instead of his mother's. Little Hector did not even ask who he was at first, unlike other lords and honorables who were ready to put some investment in their offspring by offering them around as a social statement. 

Little Eliwood always found comfort in Little Hector's carefree demeanor, his passion of his surroundings, and they were practically nearly inseparable best friends by the time they started schooling. And for the first time in a hot summer day, Little Eliwood caught Little Hector slumping on the ground with his head between his legs. Soft sobbing could be heard from where he stood, and for the first time the redhead listened how his mighty friend lost a cherished mother. And with it, how curiosity got the best of the bluenette to teach himself wielding a weapon—

"I like the axe. How about you, Eliwood? Ha! You are very precise and thorough, I bet you love the sword, eh? I'll just need to get strong and be prepared to take care of what's important to me, and this axe moves against all odds!"

 _Right,_ now Eliwood smiled as his heart felt the warmth of the beautiful memory. Hector's fearlessness shielded him from the suffocating high societal interaction he dreaded for, and nothing pleased him more than seeing how carefree and at-ease Hector had been during the times they spent together at the military academy, as he got to hone his skill with the war axes and invent himself from there. The hard-working Hector. Not the Hector confined into societal expectation which demanded a lot of him until he became  _formless,_ dissolving into an unidentified blob. 

And more importantly, Hector did not hear people mentioning his name and his brother's name in one, _purposeful_ sentence. 

Now Hector continued chatting up Eliwood as he rolled himself in bed. “That Erik laughed like an alligator."

“Didn’t know alligators sound like that,” as much as Eliwood valued his conversations with Hector, this time he was clearly annoyed as he desperately needed some sleep.

“What do you say about an alligator who just got back from a dentist?” Hector pondered. “Hey Eliwood, have you ever been to Sacae—whoa, dude!”

Eliwood threw his military bag at his friend, throwing a menacing _I haven’t had any sleep so don't make me kill you_  look on his face, a rare imposing authoritarian look that could get people to shut up. “No, I haven’t,” he finally responded. “Now would you please go the hell back to sleep.”

“I was there yesterday!” Hector chirped. “And seriously dude, their women truly are something else. Polite, a bit shy perhaps. But boy I can really feel powerful impression from them! So much dignity too as if many of them were just borne to be warriors. And there's this one particular lass I just could not get over with; this one called me a gorilla tried slashing me in two!”

“Did you startle her because of that giant axe you've been trying to master or—either way, sounds good for you… now good night…” Eliwood was back to his blanket fortress.

“I bet she wouldn't if it was you who showed up. You're a charmer when it comes to ladies!”

“Thanks and shut the hell up already…”

“Hey hey hey what if you accompanied me there?! You said you’ve never been to Sacae!”

“At this rate, fuck no and sorry…”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because at this hour I just want to go fucking back to sleep…”

“Eliwuss, did you just cuss?” Hector gasped.

“I fucking kid you not… cussing? Me? I wasn’t, _Lord Hector of Insomnia_ …”

“Dude. Dude, but dude, dude, dude. But not only did this girl attempted to cleave me in twain, she was faster than a stallion.”

“What a nice way to address a woman…”

“I wonder if she called me gorilla because I exactly told her that, hmmm—”

“Are you fucking seriously fucking telling her fucking that?” this time Eliwood sat back-straight on his bed, looking stupefied at Hector’s… ahem, honesty.

“But really. You should have seen her move. So lightweight like the breeze, yet deadly when the sword swings. By the way, she punched me in the face. She wasn't so bad though, she said it was an honest mistake because boys used to make fun of her and tried to outwit her somehow. You know, thinking they could just get to do whatever they want for being male. I'm feeling kinda guilty somehow, you know? I can't even explain why, but—”

“Oh. Good,” Eliwood turned his back in the bed again.

“Hey Eliwood! Whaddya think ya doing?!”

“Trying to be dead until tomorrow…”

“I see.”

“Good fucking night, Hec _fucking_ tor…”

“Whoa, Eliwood.”

“You’re welcome…”

And there was silence.

“Eliwood!”

“Excuse me, did you just wake me up again?”

“Do you think I’ll be able to have a girlfriend?”

“… Ex—cuse me?”

“Girlfriend! You know, someone to train together and probably a person to compete with, like, hey, Eliwood, do you think Khatelet women like hunting?”

“Tomorrow I said. Or die virgin now.”

“Duuuude.”

“Yawn.”

“ELIWOOD!! GODDAMNIT I HOPE THAT STALLION LASS DIDN’T HATE ME? HEY, ELIWOOD—”

“What the fuck?”

“THAT WOMAN!! WE HAVE TO SPAR SOMEDAY I KID YOU NOT. God that woman; that woman—how old is she again? Now I'm curious. And she's also rather tall, so she can’t be  a kid, right? Gotta be a teen like us. What am I to say to her if I get to meet her again? Shit, I didn't even catch her fucking name. Someone saved me from damnation because she had to go back to her tribe, one of them called her by... wait for it, Lyssa? Layla? Lin—shit, fucking meatbrain of a brain, how could I forget?! Oh gosh. Eliwood, why don't we just lock our prefect and run with me to Sacae!”

“… Are you suggesting we skip the graduation ceremony tomorrow? And my friend, this is a beautiful one o'clock in the fucking morning.”

“If it takes too long that girl would probably forget who I am! Come on, while the fist still stings!”

“Bed or I kill you.”

“Eliwood—“

“Fucking bed I fucking say, on three. Three.”

“Gosh, dude. This isn't fun—”

"Indeed, for it's called a fucking rest—"

“Master Eliwood? Master Hector? Are you still up?” a voice startled the boys as a figure approaching the room. The prefect, dressed in a sour-looking black bed gown knocked their door before entering. There was clearly a look of tiredness; annoyance on his face. He held his candelabra in a way that its grim light shone at the boy's faces, much to Hector's dismay.

“Ah. Good morning, Sir. We’re just about to sleep,” with the impeccable manner of a mature boy Eliwood quickly defused the situation before Hector could spat. “Apologies for the inconveniences, we are simply working hard for our graduation speeches!”

"Graduation... speeches?" the prefect had a dumbfounded look by now. The redheaded heir to the Pheraen throne was ever-known to be diligent, and through his spotless record, they had no reason to suspect him of mischief.

"Indeed! Lord Hector here is very kind to throw in some ideas, and we were having a bit of disagreement," replied Eliwood lively. "I prefer a more solemn approach, and he is actually reasonable in defending why the speech needs to be tempestuous—passionate."

“Oh. That’s… uh, very noble of you then, Lord Hector,” the prefect, now tongue-tied, had no reason to stay longer, so he left.

Eliwood glared at Hector. “You owe me."

“Exactly, so lemme lock him up for us then—hey, Eliwood?—Eli… yawn. Blast, damn it. Fine, good fucking night to you too, Eliwuss!”


End file.
